Statistically speaking, women on average orgasm way less than men do. And fewer women report reaching orgasm at all. In these parts, this is known as the orgasm gap. Researchers asked about 52,000 adults in the United States, from all walks of life. to put down how much they orgasmed during sexual encounters. This is how they responded:
- Heterosexual Men: 95%
- Homosexual Men: 89%
- Bisexual men: 88%
- Lesbian women: 86%
- Bisexual women: 66%,
- Heterosexual women: 65%
Your wives and girlfriends are coming in last. No pun intended. This is indicative of a larger problem, and for men with premature ejaculation this can take on a whole new form.
What is the Orgasm Gap?
The orgasm gap is named as such due to the huge ‘gap’ in orgasms experienced by men as opposed to women. Women on average orgasm 65% of the time, while men almost always orgasm. This is also known as the pleasure gap, and can lead to some really unsatisfying relationships for women.
Andrea and I struggled with this issue for a while . Not only because of my premature ejaculation – which did end up making things a lot worse down the line, but also because it is something that I never really thought of. I mean, I got to orgasm, right? She probably did too. For a long time this was how things were.
This was until I started to notice Andrea being less and less excited about our sexual encounters. At first, I believed that this had to do with my premature ejaculation – and for a long while I did. This was until we actually sat down, and I was first made aware of the female orgasm gap.
Premature Ejaculation and the Orgasm Gap
I hate to break it to you but- your partner is frustrated about your PE. The psychological stress that you go through with PE transfers over to them. Premature ejaculation help doesn’t come easy.
Let that frustration and the orgasm gap fester for long and it could mean the end of your relationship.
Hold on, though. It’s not what you think it is.
Let me explain.
What is Premature Ejaculation?
Premature Ejaculation happens when men ejaculate quicker than they or their partner would have liked. It’s hallmarked by a lack of control over the ejaculation by the man.
The timing that is generally agreed upon for it to be premature by medical professionals is about a minute.
It’s estimated that about 39-40% of men go through problems relating to PE. That’s about 1 in 3 men if my math is right. The guy sitting next to you could probably have PE-related issues. Chances are he’s not dealing with it as well as he could.
Let’s try and understand why.
The gender orgasm gap and your premature ejaculation
What needs to be understood is that this just isn’t a problem for the man.
It should be thought of as a problem that’s affecting the couple. The fact that you’re going through something like PE alone is enough to warrant a worry from your partner. Premature ejaculation help shouldn’t be sought out alone.
But so many don’t even open up about their condition. How do you expect the relationship to work if you’re not communicating well?
Guys get so caught up in the ifs and buts, that they sometimes really do lose sight of what they might be putting their partner through.
Getting caught in all this thought and worry really takes a toll on your mental health. I know it did for me. Not only was I ignoring Andrea’s needs in bed unconsciously, but my PE was making things much much worse.
I was caught in a vicious cycle and all the while my partner suffered because of me, both in bed and in our lives.
The Orgasm Gap – A Bigger Problem
This highlights a bigger problem with how PE is looked at and how its studies. I think it’s crazy that for so long we’ve looked at sex and PE from the perspective of the individual, usually the males.
Sure that line of thought works in a lot of places and to address a lot of issues but I think sex- as an act between two(or more!) people should be studied as such- an act between two (or more) people!
Well, this study did exactly that. It asked women from all over the world how they felt about PE. And they answered:
How Premature Ejaculation Aggravates the Orgasm Gap
Researchers from the University of Zurich asked 1500 women from Italy, Mexico, and South Korea their perception of premature ejaculation and how they thought it affected their relationship.
The truth about the Orgasm gap and Premature Ejaculation
47.6% of women-almost half stated that it was their partner’s “lack of attention” and focus on their (the females) pleasure that was a reason for their sexual worries.
Not how long their male partners lasted. But how much they focused on them. The women stated that their partners were so focused on lasting longer and neglected their needs in the process.
“Huh” you’re probably thinking. “Who would have thought?”.
The results were broken down as follows:
- Lack of Attention: 47.6%
- Short time between penetration and ejaculation: 39.9%
- Lack of Ejaculatory control: 24.1%
This circles back to what I was talking about earlier. That if we looked at individual sexual issues from a different perspective, we’d probably understand these dynamics a whole lot better.
Look, it’s not just men with PE that aren’t focusing on their partners. A lot of women report unsatisfactory sex. But with men with PE, now we know that it’s because of this specific reason.
The first reaction you might’ve had would have been guilt. I want to let you know that it is not your fault. You’ve been conditioned from birth, through movies, TV, and porn that you have to last long, and the longer you last the “better” the sex is.
Well, that’s a whole load of bologna now, isn’t it?
How the Orgasm Gap is Affecting your Partner
Remember how I talked about frustration festering too long?
Your partner is naturally affected by your premature ejaculation. In particular, your attitude towards it. If you’re letting it get in the way of sex, what else are you letting it get in the way of?
Premature ejaculation treatment, and closing the orgasm gap doesn’t happen in a day- everyone knows that. But if you’re never going to start in the first place, things will get worse.
Lack of sexual pleasure for women can and will lead to a loss of quality of life. In fact, she might just stop initiating sex with you altogether- not because of how long you can last in bed but because you’re not attending to her needs.
How Premature Ejaculation is Affecting Your Partner
You’re rejecting her.
Not directly of course, but through your actions and attitude. This can be pretty traumatic for a lot of people. If your partner is constantly focused on themselves and technically on their orgasm alone then you’re not going to get any satisfaction at all.
Imagine how demoralizing that can be.
The thing is, if you talked about your PE, you’d find a lot of support and comfort, I did with Andrea and my life is that much better for it. But so many men for whatever reason don’t engage their partners on this. I understand it can be very hard and difficult to talk about.
But if you don’t and you let the frustration and sometimes anger fester, your partner might start to think about other options.
How to Close the Orgasm Gap
Take a deep breath.
I know how hard some of these things are to swallow. But it is not the end of the world. Knowing what you know now, you can start tackling the issue.
Start focusing on your partner.
Close the gap as a couple
There’s another interesting stat that caught my eye here that really highlights the difference between what men and women need from sexual intercourse.
70% of the women reported that variety in bed was what mattered most. If you’re not kissing, cuddling, caressing, and fondling her too, she might not be getting the sexual satisfaction that she needs.
And this is something that I tell guys all the time!
See, women enjoy sex differently. They like being touched, fondled, and cared for. It is a culmination of all these things PLUS penetration that gets women to orgasms!.
This might not exactly be the premature ejaculation remedy you were looking for, but trust me it’ll help you a lot.
How to Shift Focus and close the orgasm gap
She just doesn’t orgasm from penetration- actually, a lot of women don’t orgasm from penetration at all( but that’s a topic for another day)
Here are some ways you can help her out!
This is THE way to help your women orgasm often and hard. I like to think of it as a premature ejaculation cure and a way to close the orgasm gap. If you’re not going to last long in bed then you need to increase the time you spend having fun before you eventually penetrate her.
Foreplay of course involves kissing, making out, running your hands across her body, and of course- oral sex.
If you want to make your partner orgasm, eat.her.out. Women who climax more often report receiving oral sex more often.
Use Toys as a Way to Close the Orgasm Gap
Toys are a great addition to any bedroom. You should however think of them as a premature ejaculation remedy. Try and supplement your thrusts and penetration with the use of some toys- perhaps of the vibration kind?
I like to use vibrators on my partner’s clitoris as I’m thrusting or penetrating her. It helps me sort of limit what I have to do and makes her orgasm too! You can get pretty creative here!
Remember, toys are something you use in conjunction with your own ‘equipment’ Supplement their use and you should be golden!
Sex Positions to close the orgasm gap
If you’re using positions to last longer then you’re probably helping her reach her orgasm. The following positions few are positions that’ll increase the time it takes for you to ejaculate:
- Lotus Position
- Coital Alignment Technique
- Cross Technique
Delay Sprays for Premature Ejaculation
Delay Sprays are going to help you last longer, and probably, as a result, help your partner orgasm too!
The Promescent Delay Spray is a great tool at your disposal. It desensitizes sensitive areas on your penis. This helps you last much longer in bed and perform to your partner’s expectations.
The spray has little to no transfer between you and your partner when used as directed. So spray on and have some fun.
Other solutions include condoms, gels, and supplements.
The orgasm gap has been one for far too long, and it is time that men start working towards closing the orgasm gap. .
You aren’t paying attention to her sexual needs and fulfillments. You’re focused way too much on lasting longer and as a result, you’re rejecting her.
This is traumatic for anyone, let alone sexual partners. If you’re romantically involved with them though, it can be even more devastating.
So, remember! It isn’t your fault. You do however need to readjust your attitude and use the techniques I talked about to help her reach her orgasm!
And keep working towards closing that orgasm gap! Make progress every day.