PE has been the story of my life. I’ve had it pretty much since I started my sex life, I think I was 17 when I first had sex. When it happened then I wasn’t too bothered about it – I put it down to my inexperience and being very drunk. So I can’t remember too much about it anyway, and the girl.
I wasn’t the most popular guy in my university days but I did have some one-night-stands there but they always ended up me coming too early. I was pretty drunk in most occasions again but I did start worrying about it a bit.
Nevertheless, I was 20 when I had my first proper girlfriend. We only had sex after about 2 months since we first met but it didn’t go very well. The thing was that I actually cared about her, not like with most other girls I had sex with so I wanted to do well with her. We just laughed off the first “mishap” but when we tried again the next night and a night after it didn’t change. I did get anxious as 30 seconds to a minute and a half with a girl wasn’t anything to be proud of. Few months later and several more unlucky incidents we broke up.
It did knock my confidence quite a bit. I was pretty fit physically, played football twice a week, went to gym quite regularly as well, but all the one-night-stands I had finished in embarrassment. So I stopped dating for couple of years, internet and DVDs were my best friends…
I was 24 when I met a girl called Ursula. She went to the same gym as me. Anyway, cutting the long story short, I liked her, she liked me, we had sex couple of times (if you can call a 1 minute long intercourse “sex”) and then after few months we broke up again. I was more than convinced that my inability in bed was the reason. I was very depressed – it was second time I lost a girl I really liked cause of not being able to last long enough in bed. Again, I went hiding for couple of years, no girlfriends, no sex, just me. I still went out with my friends once in a while but never I was confident enough to pull a girl.
Then, at the age of 27 I started a new job, in a big high-flying design agency. There was this blond girl, very pretty but way out of my league. I didn’t have enough courage or self confidence to ask her out but then the Christmas came. And a Christmas party. We both got pretty drunk (as you do in these workplace parties) and we started chatting. Alcohol does wonders with peoples self confidence and I think I managed to leave a pretty good impression of myself. So me and Andrea started dating few weeks later, in mid-January. She is pretty active as well and we both really like skiing so we went out with few friends couple of times. I was terrified of our first night together though. I knew that I wasn’t going to last long and after some vodka with tonic I told her about my problem. She was very understanding. So we took it really slowly, all the fore-play and hugs and kissing. And then we had sex – for about a minute. I wanted to hide myself under the bed for 2 days. We both really liked each other and I wanted the best to her. But she was still very patient with me.
And to be honest she has been very patient with me since, just over 2 years now. We haven’t had any children yet although we have had couple of conversations about it. She would like to have kids but there’s always a “but” at the end of the chat. And I never get an answer what that “but” is. Same with getting married… I have really started doubting in myself recently and our relationship has taken few steps backwards to be honest as I feel really tense all the time. All I can do is blame my premature ejaculation problem and that it is hindering our relationship – again!
So I spoke to her the other day and agreed that we are going to work together in this and will try to find out how to overcome premature ejaculation. I will see my doctor next week, even though it will be very embarrassing – just to see what he recommends to do. It’s time to get rid of it and hopefully we’ll succeed and can go on to have kids and hopefully get married one day.